I embraced the day with all the fervour and life lust of a jilted lover. It even feels like an effort monumental to draw breath at this time, my lungs so congested with disgust as they are. It’s surely one of those days where constriction breeds contempt, when one is roused to a rage by the clarity brought on by sight. Look out the window and what do I see? The same insignificant bipedal insects, sneering and screeching under the cover of Nike and Adidas, having the nerve to call their existence of circular motion “life”. Eat, drink, shit, piss, fart, fuck, work, breed, die – ever again and again and again and again! What’s the point? Is this what life amounts to in this backwater of a borough located in a shithole of a city?
I’m convinced that Newham – perhaps even London – is a place where dreams come to die. You can almost hear their futile whimperings as they’re smothered slowly to sleep, never again to waken. The same stale slate of grey adorns the sky, only to be later deluged by the crude oil of night. One gets bored of sitting in, letting the day fly by, but contemplating the alternative – boredom, bludgeoning and asphyxiation in the open air – makes one’s chest tighten, as if in the grip of an anaconda.
And the worst thing about being stuck in a cage, spinning a hamster’s wheel of hatred? Having no idea how to escape your predicament, simply sliding into the comfort of repetition, of redundancy – of ever diminishing returns. Grand plans floating further and further into the nebula with each turn of the wheel. How long till the batteries run down and one has to resort to being plugged into the same powerline as the rest of the peons, just to keep going? How I wish to pull the plug on their pathetic lives and watch them all fall to the floor in a domino dance. But where would that leave me? Still under the strangled sun, long raped of its radiance – a disc drowned under a current of clouds. The perfect metaphor for the fractured, frail humanity below, swilling in the shit of a slow, salacious suicide….
If this be life, hand me the Magnum – NOW!